Rain

The kids and I ran in the rain today. There is nothing like it. I spent a half hour straightening my hair this morning, so i would normally not want it to get all wet again, but when we got home from church it was pouring and they looked so excited that I let them, and myself, just enjoy. We got SOAKED! It was so fun. Lifting your head up and letting the rain hit your face. Nothing like it. Abenture for today. Check.

Can I Sleep in the Fridge?

Three random thoughts:

A quote from Paige:

"I wish I was food. Can I sleep in the fridge tonight?" She said this as she tried to stuff her little body into the fridge. What a crazy child. :)

I've been pulling my weak and tired body out of bed every morning to work out before the kids get up. It's been alright. There is about 5 minutes though, every morning, when I've just hit the snooze button (I never turn off the alarm till I'm completly standing up, out of bed, otherwise i'll fall back to sleep) when I think, 'Maybe I'll just sleep in today. Just today. I deserve it. A little break. I've been good.' And then I tell myself, ' Touch your stomach.' That's when I jump out of bed, turn off the alarm and go workout! HA! I think it's going well though. I've lost a total of 11 pounds since October. Not half as good as I wanted, but better than nothing.

I bought Strawberry plants and Onion bulbs. Anyone every grow either of these before? It will be my first time with them and I want to make sure I do them right. I need pointers. My neighbor said I should plant my strawberries next to the fence, so they can grow up it.

Baby

I got some samples of infant formula the other day and started to sob. I got some diaper coupons yesterday and sobbed. I sold some things at a mom 2 mom sale today and saw tons of Pregnant women and women with little babies and I sat in my car afterward and cried. Then Ethan on the way home said "Mom, we want you to have another baby!" (i hadn't mentioned any of this to him)

I know I have 3 wonderful kids and I love them with all that I am. I am grateful that I have them and I would do anything for them. But I feel like there is one more. I feel heartbroken at the thought of not having one more. Not ever being pregnant again, or feeling a baby move in my tummy. Seeing it's arms and legs moving under the skin. Never giving birth (crazy, i know, but it's magical as well as painful. Worth every second) Never nursing my little baby or having a newborn.

There are days when it consumes me. I'll be standing washing the dishes and watching the kids play outside and i 'll just start crying. Wishing Ethan had a brother or Samantha had a little brother or sister. Paige wants us to have a little baby really bad so she can help me with everything. I was the youngest of 4. What if my parents hadn't wanted another kid. I think of my brother and sisters and I and how much fun we had growing up. You always had a buddy. You never had to sit in a row in the van by yourself. I remember one time going to the grocery store with my mom, all 4 of us kids and my mom was holding Sean and Katherine's hands and Elizabeth holding mine. She was the "paige" in the family. The oldest, always looking out, always helping Mom. I want Paige to have that. Paige wants Paige to have that.

I know this is a lot of emotion and complaining. It's just really hit me hard lately. I needed to get it out. Talk to someone. Thanks for listening.

Kids

I was changing Samantha's diaper this morning when I realized I had left the diapers in the bedroom. I got up and walked into her room, came back out and she was gone. I started to yell when I heard a giggle from the back door, then the screen door slam shut. I thought for a split second "no way" then "better grab the camera" and then ran. This is what I found:

and this

(Also: I posted pictures of the sailors dress)

Work Space

My mom gave me my old desk from when I was a kid. It's metal, heavy and i wasn't sure what to do with it. Until now. Paige keeps asking for a spot where she can work on her spelling and reading. Tada! I pulled it out of the basement, painted the legs black and the top red and sprayed sparkle paint on it and Voila! Marvelous. (Again, pictures to come soon) Don't worry, though. You'll love it. Ethan picked out the color, it's bright. But fun.

No Pictures

My camera disk is missing, so I can't post my pictures. I have to tell you though, I had a major buy at the store. I was walking around the store yesterday and walked to the clearance section. I see some hulk and wall-e sheet sets (top and bottom sheet and 2 pillow cases) and think to myself how much the kids would love them. Well, they were only 3 bucks each!! woo hoo. I bought them both. Then I had to return a shirt to kohls. I only got 7 bucks back so I thought I would head over to the kids clearance and I found the cutest dress for Samantha. It's a sailors dress and has a matching dress for your doll! It was only 7 bucks! Score. I love deals like those.

Who ate the cookie?

Me:"Who ate the cookie?"

A little tiny voice in the living room, barely above a whisper(Samantha): "Me"

Hello, there

Sorry, I have been meaning to post on here, but I have been POOPED. Man, let me tell you. I am thinking about implementing nap time for my sake. Being outside all day long with 3 very energetic kids and the wind is wearing me out. About 1:30 every day this week I have been bribing my kids to lay down by telling them they can grab a handful of candy ("how about 2 handfuls?" says Ethan every day) from their easter baskets and eating themselves into a chocolate coma. Don't get me wrong, i love being outside. So refreshing and wonderful, I think it's the wind though. It wipes me out. By the time I get inside, tend to my farm (on farmville, of course) and get the kids chilled, I am ready for el nap-o. No time to blog! Here I am though, Don't you worry. I didn't forget about you. I'll take some pictures tomorrow. Maybe. I have some tulips I'm growing on farmville and I can't let my co-op mates down. After farmville, when the kids are in their chocolate induces coma's, then i'll post.

Easter

Picking up Paige

This was us going to pick up Paige. And Just having fun.

(Ethan took the next 2 pictures)