Samantha

Sometimes when I’m sitting holding Samantha I just start crying. We were sitting at a friends daughters Baptism last week and she was in my lap and I just started crying. Again today I did and have quite a few other times before this. I feel this overwhelming sense of relief that she is still here.  Relief that I can hold her whenever I want.  And a sense of grief for a friend who can no longer hold her 4 year old. No longer kiss her head and hold her close to her. I find that since Eslyn died I hug my children more. I hold them more. I take mental snapshots of each moment more. When they climb into my lap I try to cherish that moment and be in the moment, not take these things for granted. I feel another sense of loss though for Samantha. Eslyn was such a good friend and such a sweet spirit that I would sometimes think about how glad I was that Sam had her as a friend. A friend who she could grow in the church with. A friend with the same standards and morals that she could be around.  A friend who, so clearly, had a love for Christ and the gospel. At 4 years old  she was such a bright star in her faith in Christ. I was so glad that Sam had her as a friend. It gave me comfort. Now I hope that Sam has a cheerleader on the other side. Someone who is cheering her on in faith. Maybe having been earthly friends they might have a more powerful bond. I hope that Sam can hold onto that as she get’s older. I hope that she can feel her friend rooting her on from the other side as she grows her testimony.